Divorce. It is an ugly word. An experience to be avoided if at all possible. But some times life happens, and divorce happens. It happened to me and my family. I write in Above and Beyond Wellfleet, that when it does "a certain innocence is lost forever."
My first husband and I did divorce right. When the dust settled, we realized that the best way to honor our dissolved marriage was to mutually love our children with all our hearts. And we've done just that.
In bringing up our two children, we never divided and conquered. We worked hard to keep our families whole and not broken.
We even added new richness to our lives. Step mothers and fathers became friends, and a new half sister was added to our family. What could have been forever sad, turned into a situation where my children have received more love versus less.
Let me be clear, I am not advocating divorce as an answer to difficult problems. I pray that those I love and care for never have to experience the heartbreaking experience. I am writing this because like grief, the subject all too often is avoided. Discussions about what happened and why, who is related to whom are suspended somewhere in a forbidden ether, and worst of all is if the anger grows stronger and wounds the innocent.
If the worst does happen, fairness demands putting away personal feelings as soon as possible and focusing on the health and well being of the innocent people affected--usually the children.
I spent the last weekend with my good college friend, Carol. She was in my wedding, and as a gift I gave my bridesmaids a crystal vase (the one in this photograph). The engraving on the silver base is the date of my wedding--June 17, 1967. The pottery plate in front of the vase is a collection of heart shaped stones and shells that Carol collects. I was struck by the message each conveyed.
I will not be celebrating a wedding anniversary today, but I will be celebrating the creation of two wonderful children, who grew up loving their mother and father. There is no greater legacy.